Your Values, Your Choices: A Guide to Apostolic Living

One’s life is a tapestry woven of countless decisions. Each choice that one makes, whether big or small or right or wrong, adds threads to its’ intricate and distinctive design, shaping our overall life experience. Now, imagine that tapestry vividly reflecting a true north: a God-given tapestry. That's the transformative power of values-based decision-making. It's about living intentionally as an Apostolic believer, ensuring your actions align with what truly matters.

As Apostolic believers, we should strive to make decisions rooted in our principles and values, not solely driven by our emotions. Principles are fundamental truths or rules that serve as a foundation for our behavior. Principles are guardrails aligned with our value system. Typically, they are objective – concrete in nature. Values represent the core beliefs and ideals that we consider important and desirable. Values are subjective and can change over time. These are the two criteria we should rely on to make decisions.

On the other hand, emotions are a natural and important part of who we are, designed by God and woven into our very being. However, we must recognize that strong emotions will sometimes influence our judgment, making it harder to think clearly and objectively.

While emotions are an integral part of the human experience, we shouldn't let them be the sole drivers of our decisions. As believers, we are encouraged to trust God and His Word. Proverbs 3:4-6 (TLB) 4-5 If you want favor with both God and man, and a reputation for good judgment and common sense, then trust the Lord completely; don’t ever trust yourself. 6 In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success. This scripture supports not favoring our emotions solely in decision-making. Instead, it encourages using God’s voice– i.e. scriptures– to direct and influence our decisions.

This is why we should strive to make decisions rooted in core biblical values and principles. By consciously aligning your choices with your biblical values, you'll ensure your actions are consistent with who you are and what you stand for as an Apostolic believer.

This doesn't mean disregarding your emotions entirely. Be mindful of your feelings and acknowledge them, but don't let them dictate your actions. When making important decisions, take a step back, reflect on your values, and choose a course of action that aligns with them.

A balanced approach to decision-making involves considering both your head and your heart. By incorporating your values and emotions thoughtfully, you'll make choices that are both fulfilling and in line with your true self.

When treating patients with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or those experiencing a moral injury, my number one technique/coping skill is the STOPP method.

The STOPP method is a cognitive restructuring technique used in Behavior Therapy to help individuals manage emotions and impulsive behaviors. It works by interrupting our automatic thoughts and reactions. Using this technique promotes a more thoughtful response. It's a simple technique designed to help individuals pause, observe their thoughts and feelings, and then proceed with choices viewed through the lens of their values system. I’ve modified this technique over the years in my practice to assist individuals with making better decisions in life with little regret.

The STOPP Method

S: Stop. Literally, stop whatever you are doing for a moment and simply pause. The goal is to create a more conscious response to your situation. Slow down your body and brain. Take a seat if you can. Place your hands on something like your heart, clothing, or a doorknob and try to focus on it. See if you can hear your heart beating. Think about the material that the doorknob or your clothing is made of and concentrate on the molecular structure of the item.

T: Take a deep breath. Breathe in through your nose, using the diaphragm to get as much oxygen as possible into your lungs. Hold your breath for a three-second count – 1 (1000), 2 (1000) and 3 (1000). Release through your mouth. Do this for about 12 good breaths. Taking deep, cleansing breaths can help the cortisol–the natural stress hormone in your brain–recede to its normal or baseline levels. These breaths can also lower the adrenaline in the brain and help tap you into the rational part of your brain.

O: Observe where you are in this moment, the space and time. Try to focus on your breathing, the heart beating in the chest, the clock ticking on the wall. The goal is to slow down the processing of information through your mind and become aware of your physical surroundings.

P: Pull back and put some perspective into your situation. Try to take a helicopter view of our situation, become a fly on the wall, and listen to yourself. Ask yourself: what kind of advice would I give my best friend if they were in this situation? Add some objectivity to your viewpoint. Don’t believe everything you think! Thoughts are just thoughts; they are not always based in facts.

P: Play to your principles and values. When we make decisions based on our principles and values, we seldom make choices that leave us with regret. Godly principles, in the context of Christianity, are the core values and behaviors derived from the Bible and the teachings of Jesus Christ. When we follow these principles, we know our choices are based upon God’s will for us.

Our values and principles guide us on how to live a life that is pleasing to God and reflects His character. They help us make informed choices, live in accordance with our Apostolic belief system, and build a strong foundation for spiritual, personal and professional growth.

As Apostolic believers seeking to be transformed into the perfect image of Christ, we embody the principles found in Jesus’ teachings and the Bible, becoming more like Him. We move from Christ-like to an apprenticeship and experience a deeper relationship with God. Thus, contributing to building stronger communities and fulfilling the great commission.

C. Carl Wilson, DBH, LPCC

Dr. Carl Wilson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Doctor of Behavioral Health. He is a writer and passionate conference speaker. He enjoys teaching and researching behavioral science. He currently resides in Southern California with his family.

~ Published in PL, Sept 2024